| 3257. ILB because only can a DOD IT office block their own webpage. | |
| 3256. Because no matter how hard you try you just can't get up to 20kph on Disney. | |
| 3255. because I've been hear almost a year and Burger King is still "coming soon"! | |
| 3254. Because in all the places in the world I might have; it was BAF that I actually saw fleece lined Crocs. | |
| 3253. Today at the bazaar I saw a red-haired girl suck on an Afghan vendors fingers while he hand fed her Chiclets. Really awkward. What some girls will do for a discount... | |
| 3252. For the Taliban inflitration tunnel replacing the trees on Disney. | |
| 3251. because this place wasn't enough of a dusty shithole already, now they are cutting down the trees on Disney | |
| 3250. ILB becasue CSM said we cant wear a boonie cap but its on the packing list! WTF! | |
| 3249. because i officially have nothing left to bitch about | |
| 3248. ILB because they finally got rid of the crossing guards. | |
| 3247. ILB because anyone can do a desk pop. However it takes a real "special" person to do a helicopter pop. | |
| 3246. Because my coworker thinks that showing me the "blue waffle" picture is equivalent to a public service message. | |
| 3245. The trafic and drivers remind me of home. It's a miniature version of Huntsville Alabama | |
| 3244. Two words...Beard Net! | |
| 3243. Today in my favorite port-a-john I noticed that in between a penis drawing, a booger, and a note that said Toby Keith sucks my balls, someone had carved "MT loves GT" Congratulations Romeo and Juliet, your love is obviously eternal... | |
| 3242. Fucking wind!!! | |
| 3241. ILB because the Firefighter's on this base know every gym location and female on a first name basis | |
| 3240. ILB for the irony of a two hundy + walking down the sidewalk with a filtered mask on. Glad to see she is concerned about her health. | |
| 3239. Because I have learned when the vendor tells me “It’s ok, no problem, I will exchange for free” really means I knew it was a jacked up copy when I sold you the DVD. | |
| 3238. because no one walks on the 1 million dollar side walk | |
| 3237. because ILB is now submitting essays. way to go #3234 I doubt anyone is ever going to read that. K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid | |
| 3236. ILB becasue today in the TOC I heard a CPT say "How can I F&$K this up" | |
| 3235. because as a contractor I get paid to be inconvenienced | |
| 3234. I love the toilets in Bagram. I mean, think of the engineering thought that was put into them. To put the drain hole in the FRONT of the bowl! It's a fairly complex concept, so allow me to explain: You open the see-through curtain to the stall and immediately notice the difference, "Hmm, weird. Oh well." You complete your sterilization process and take a seat. So far so good. Fairly comfy in the 70 degree summer weather. You relax, allow an amazingly solid product to begin falling (considering the malaria pills and DFAC food), and immediately realize the ingenuity of the engineers: They have created a situation where your "product" reaches the flat section of the toilet bowl, negating the effect of gravity, introducing a moment of fear followed by a quick realization. The evacuation has reached an impasse. There's only one solution. You must somehow move up to allow your bowels to finish what they started. So you scoot the heels of your feet back towards your center of gravity, lean forward a bit, and inch your hind section up as gravity continues its pull upon the product. All is fine and well until you run out of extension. Your legs are almost straight, yet bent slightly enough to allow this chocolate-brown pipe of stink to lead into the bowl. Quite a compromising and uncomfortable position. So now what? There's nothing you can do. You are out of options. Until you realize what you should have done in the first place: Cut your losses and just pinch it off. You squeeze your eyes in disgust as you squeeze your brown starfish in hopes of a successful result. When seperation finally occurs, however, the one-and-a-half foot extension of yourself completes a Paul Bunionesque arc forward, dings the bell of your manhood, and finally nestles itself into the toilet's drain hole. Use caution while using these amazing feats of engineering, so this does not happen to you. Oh, and after wiping your dick off, NEVER conduct a courtesy flush. | |
| 3233. Because the rookie ass 2ndLT posting @3229 is measuring how far people are from him before they render a salute and is actualy refering to himself as "the man". | |
| 3232. Because I saw a guy leaving the latrine this morning with a machete. Shit just got real. | |
| 3231. ILB because it's not Iraq, something everyone mentions whenever an idea that was successful in another warzone is brought up. | |
| 3230. ILB because 90% of my cell phone calls are answered with the greeting "Shemoray eh Shemonda" which translatest to "I got your money and I get to listen to your calls, infidel". | |
| 3229. ILB b/c I know the enlisted guy who waits til he’s 1 foot from me before he salutes thinks he’s sticking it to the man | |
| 3228. ILB because I can still order "chicken" from a Popeye's that is "Out of Chicken and Fries" | |
| 3227. I wear my reflective belt to bed, just in case. | |
| 3226. ILB because I successfully executed my laundry ops with a 99% return rate - Bronze Star!! | |
| 3225. ILB for the guy making his run around Disney in a gas mask. C'mon man, it ain't that bad! | |
| 3224. ILB because it's where dead dreams go to decompose. | |
| 3223. ILB because my b-hut neighbor thinks the wind will mask the sound of her boinking her boyfriend. Nice try, honey, but the wind doesn't go "oh shit! oh my god!" or make the interior walls shake. Good on ya, though. Just keepin' it real. | |
| 3222. Because I came to war, and garrison broke out. | |
| 3221. ILB because I was able to balance my checkbook while in theater - Bronze Star..... | |
| 3220. because the pax terminal can lose my bags from the flight that never left the ground | |
| 3219. ILB because I actually seen soldiers pulling Latrine Guard Duty and you needed you ID Card to use the latrine, because someone S#!T on the floor in the barracks.... "PRICELESS" | |
| 3218. The "no standing on toilet seat" sign is written in English... because people from English speaking nations are totally the ones doing it. | |
| 3217. ILB because I can return here from R&R and actually get some rest. | |
| 3216. ILB because it's fun to ask the dudes wearing "Blackwater" hoodies if they're the ones who suck the poo at night. | |
| 3215. ILB because of the "Wanted for Questioning" posters in Grady DFAC. So, what you're saying is that you have no idea who this guy's on-base employer is?! | |
| 3214. It's the only place that I've gotten so tired of jerking it I decided to work out instead. | |
| 3213. ILB because the command's idea of upgrading warrior is laying down stones 5x bigger than the last batch. | |
| 3212. Because the guy getting roadhead on Disney last night was still a better love story than Twilight. | |
| 3211. ILB because you have to wear a reflective belt inside of a gator that has headlights | |
| 3210. ilb because when i have my one day off all i have to do is go to cnn.com and see how fucked up my day is going to be thanks to the army. | |
| 3209. ILB because I can buy a sword and shield but not running shoes. | |
| 3208. ILB because it takes me 30 minutes to get on the LSA because I don't have the "xxx sticker" on the back of my Military ID... but Local Nationals get on scott free by showing an ID with a picture that looks like ALL OF THEM! | |
| 3207. ILB because now that 1st CAV is gone i can wear my PTs everywhere again. | |
| 3206. I love Bagram because going to the ECP 1 Bazaar makes me feel like an extra in a live action version of Aladdin. | |
| 3205. ILB because here, mohawks are the new mullet for contractors. | |
| 3204. BC people who are actually secret squirrels (unlike 3202) don't write on ILB | |
| 3203. ILB because I take pictures of the females on the FOB to see how many goats each one is worth with the local villagers... | |
| 3202. Because of my secret squirrel status I can't even post why ILB. | |
| 3201. With the mountains on all sides of Bagram its like a giant butthole. And when your here your prairie dogging for six months to a year till you fall out... | |
| 3200. because my arm gets a better workout saluting on Disney than rubbin' one out in my room | |
| 3199. @3197 Thats because even fat chicks can be picky out here. Thought that was common knowledge. | |
| 3198. ILB because my MOM thinks I'm in combat... | |
| 3197. ILB because I find it hilarious that the ILB site won't post my comment about guys needing the Bagram Scale to measure a girl's looks, but to girls if a guy was ugly in the US, he's still ugly here! This is my third try... | |
| 3196. Because only on Bagram will you find someone in-line skating down Disney at 0530 like he's in Santa Monica. | |
| 3195. ILB because Bananas have become a precious commodity here | |
| 3194. ILB because I'm contemplating ways to make toilet wine | |
| 3193. Because any form of weather other than sunny is enough for AFN in my room to stop working | |
| 3192. ILB due to the late-night free-roaming packs of LN's. | |
| 3191. ILB because it's clearer outside when it's raining then when it's sunny. | |
| 3190. ILB because where else can I get a gun pointed directly at my face while standing in line for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and in pretty much every other line with someone wearing a shoulder holster in it.. | |
| 3189. ILB because I just saw two LN's sleeping on their wheelbarrows and one sitting and picking his nose while the 4th one was working to spread gravel. | |
| 3188. because, after being gone 11 months, I still get reports that BAF lodging is STILL a monkey trying to screw a football! | |
| 3187. The AFN hygiene ads tell you to wash your hands for 30 seconds, but the automatic cutoff in the water faucets turns off the water after 5 seconds. | |
| 3186. ILB because of the double stop sign at North DFAC...."what does it mean?" | |
| 3185. ILB because civilian analysts with beards look like Amish guys with baseball caps on. | |
| 3184. Because today on ILB someone tried to make fun of someone at the bazaar, and spelled it bizarre. | |
| 3183. ILB because the Special Forces look like Amish guys in baseball caps. | |
| 3182. Because we actually pay the locals to fill the cracks in the sidewalk. | |
| 3181. I finally get a 6 month break from my spouse. | |
| 3180. ILB because I was told to create a Sign In Roster to take an annonymous survey. | |
| 3179. because i heard a tcn at the bizzare today tell a guy he can get one pair of sunglasses for $10, or two for $25... very good deal indeed sir!! | |
| 3178. because I can't tell if there was incoming IDF or DHL just dropped a container again. | |
| 3177. Because this is where the future taxi drivers train. | |
| 3176. because of the 120 days of wind. | |
| 3175. ILB Because more people showed up for the Toby Keith USO show than to see the President of the United States of America | |
| 3174. ILB because the only time a cute girl talks to me it turns out she works for mental health and thinks I'm in distress. | |
| 3173. because I found out on CNN that the president was 10 feet down the hallway | |
| 3172. It's the only place I can drink the oatmeal and eat the light coffee! | |
| 3171. this place makes Hangover II feel like a walk in the park! | |
| 3170. @3161 Aww come on... say all that with a 'Brittish' accent and it totally sounds right. Now quit being a wanker. | |
| 3169. because of the Toby Keith concert...first country concert in which I was sober. | |
| 3168. doing all the work so your supervisor can get Performer of the month | |
| 3167. waiting for the air condition to turn on to mask the sound of you punching the clown | |
| 3166. @3158 -- SPELL CHECK ALERT: British. Not 'Brittish.' | |
| 3165. when you laugh at @3111 because that packet came across your desk. | |
| 3164. i love bagram because i saw a homeless guy wake up, strech and then leave the rotary pax terminal while i sat and waited to fly space A...wtf! | |
| 3163. @3161 - Where do you hear small arms fire at night? It must be your neighbor playing Medal of Honor or the rythmical pounding of his fleshlight. | |
| 3162. @3155. Now if only the USO could find someone with a song about tortilla chips to go with that endless supply of salsa at the PX. | |
| 3161. @3158, that's funny, a Brittish General asked me last week why they are calle B-Huts. | |
| 3160. Because I can now sleep better to small arms fire than I can to the sound of rain or ocean waves. | |
| 3159. For getting a history lesson on things I could care less about... like a BHut... | |
| 3158. @3131- BHut stands for Barracks Hut, its a Brittish military term adopted by the US. Yes, SEABees did build some of them, but they are not an invention of the NAVY. |
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