I Love Bagram Air Field

-Reasons Why I love Bagram-

Updated: January 27, 9:14 am   Bagram/Kabul
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4771. ILBB if we ever actually leave bagram this site should stay up for another decade so we can keep bitching about it.
4770. ILBB: Where else can you go and wait 3 minutes for the serving line LN to devise a way to jam your over cooked steak into the smallest square on the tray?
4769. Because every time I visit--no matter how much the base has changed--I know it's the same old Bagram because of all the faces full of lost hope and despair.
4768. ILBB (4765 cont'd) If you are jerking off and realize that the faint sound isn't from just one earbud being in, but your headphone jack isn't plugged in. Now your entire squad hears you punching your clown to the thought of the hot chick on camp and you finish anyways because your men wouldn't respect you otherwise.
4767. ILBB the MPs finally quit giving out speeding tickets. Instead, now they just deport you.
4766. Because of all the Army & Air Force Barbies with the full blown "Look at me, look at me" make up and perfume packages. Ladies, you really don't have to try that hard....we're at BAF.
4765. ILBB there are unofficial "release" rules dependent upon the living situation (open bay vs. walled off plywood rooms), like hanging woobies off your bunk to making sure you only leave one ear bud in so you can use your other ear to make sure you aren't too loud #GeneralOrder1Sucks
4764. ILBB when the cleaning crew is in the bathrooms it is okay to pee in the mop closet's drain...it's just like the Haajji toilets at the outstations right? and they are going to pour mop water down it anyway right? #GottaGo
4763. @4673 YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT WARRIOR SIDE BEING THE GHETTO. It seems that HR went to the hood to find all these new contractors.
4762. @4760: You're just pissed we didn't invite you to the after party.
4761. because I had to stand in a ceremony for 2 hours because some POGS got a CAB for being 400 meters away from IDF
4760. ILBB they brought a fucking army band here...seriously...no wants your shit in the chow all...go home.
4759. Because I have the supreme pleasure of returning after 7 years. Excuse me while I nostalgia all over myself... /sarcasm
4758. ILBB it followed me home to MD. There is one of those white surveillance blimps permanently watching the area.
4757. Because AAFES & Fluor apparently can't seem to operate without their LN's. BBQ DFAC and Warrior PX both closed at 1700 & 1730.....
4756. Fuck it wars over lets go home.
4755. ILBB so many of the contractors and operators look like exceedingly healthy rabbinical students.
4754. ILBB of the Georgian CLONE army thats on warrior side. (Like really they all look the same)
4753. I love Bagram because if given the choice between there and Djibouti, I'd be back at BAF in a fucking heartbeat.
4752. ILBB it is a garrison in a combat zone. Just remember to salute first..it could save your life.
4751. because: fuck this site and the lazy administrator that doesn't update it. De Oppresso Liber
4750. Because even after being gone for 3 years people still believe it was a combat zone.
4749. ILBB the fire alarm went off in my building for 8 hours last night. I feel very safe knowing the fire department has a greater than 8 hour response time.
4748. ILB because I stood in front of the november ECP for an hour in 20* weather "Taking Shelter"
4747. ILBB I can admire all the beautiful tata and hilux air conditioned trucks parked by the barracks as I drive around at night in a gator the sounds like a Harley and dies every time I let of the gas.
4746. ILBB the corn flake sized bugers I pull out of my nose here...
4745. ILB because now I'm on KAF and all I can seem to talk about is bagram
4744. because there are so many wanna be door kickers sporting beards, wearing 5.11 everything, carrying a pistol covered in dust, living on Camp A or Vance that sit behind a desk all day and never leave the base.
4743. ILB because of Beats Headphones, the latest fashion accessory of the U.S Military. Huge dumb looking, poor quality electronics.
4742. ILBB of AF intel guys like 4715/4725 whose balls haven't dropped yet telling the world how tuff he is. All along he knows that time outside the wire his sphincter is so tight you couldn't drive a greased knitting-needle up it with a ten pound sledgehammer: just the way his boyfriend likes it...
4741. ILBB our loadmasters walk behind me when leaving the chow hall and call out to the guys doing double-takes, "duuuude, she's a dude."
4740. ILBB the same gusto that goes into (not) updating this site now extends to the entire war in general
4739. ILBB of the ongoing competition between the U.S. military and the American contractors, to see who can display the least amount of professionalism, work ethics and leadership/management capability.
4738. ILB because of the beautiful tall blonde woman that has the most beautiful eyes and hair I have ever seen that works in the old Russian hangar
4737. Because Finance was closed for Thanksgiving.
4736. Hello? Who turned off the damn lights?
4735. because since its inception this site has generated 48 pages and 4723 reason to love bagram. miss you bagram.
4734. ILB: because I remember when this list was less than 200 posts long...
4733. ILBB it's the only place in the world where they shut the busiest road down at the busiest time of the day so 5 or 6 fat wasters can wander up and down it in pursuit of an impossible goal.
4732. ILBB I can't get a single girl to stare back at me.........:(
4731. ILBB of all the people who live and work over on the Disney side, and still find something to bitch about on here... Seriously, Dragon DFAC is like a fucking 5 star restaurant compared to Grady
4730. ILBB the drawdown has affected the number of posts to ILB.
4729. Zombies! I love Bagram because of zombies walking up and down Disney 24/7. šŸ˜²
4728. No more updates? Guess it's time to go home then, right?
4727. ILBB moving into an empty room instantly turns you into an engineer
4726. ILBB there's a real Bagram hottie on Camp A, she could be a 10 with a little more ass and a little less bitch face. But I'm in Afghanistan...so she'll do juuuuuustt fine.
4725. ILBB of the look Army and Marines give you when you tell them you're Air Force and break wire 5 times a week as they sip their Green Bean and call you a pussy fly boy, ya keeping sipping your coffee desk sergeant, that paper won't push itself....
4724. ummmm.....how about updating this site........this was my only outlet from this place
4723. underworld just outside of that! That is without a doubt at the same time unique, suitable, which will several within the three or more, and that is god The almighty, there's body quite short. Louis Vuitton porte-monnaie
4722. seeing bagram on the rear view
4721. ILBB of the potential Jesus look-a-like contest.
4720. ILBB i keep checking here every day to see if there is anything new!!! WTF am i supposed to do with my day now?!
4719. ILBB because I'm pretty sure my body is 18% Styrofoam at this point.
4718. ILBB I saw a guy playing "it a small world after all" on the bagpipes at 0700 in warrior. WTF??
4717. ILBB it's easy to figure out if your fellow cohort has been masturbating in the toilet stall. When afterwards, the head(latrine) doesn't smell like shit, he walks away without washing his hands, and he doesn't make any eye contact with anyone else in the room from the shame.
4716. ILBB I only had to spend a month there, and the rest of my time at Gamberi. I'd rather spend a year at Gamberi or JAF than another week at BAF
4715. ILBB even though I'm AF intel, I have more outside-the-wire experience than 90% of CJTF-10. Despite that, I get to sit back every day and grin as Army "warriors" tell me I'm an AF weenie and they're out here killing mother fuckers. This usually happens at Green Bean
4714. ILBB of the Jordianians who just talk about bullshit on the radio for 12 hours. GET OFF MY FUCKING NET!
4713. ILBB First world problems in the third world
4712. Referring to post 3498ā€¦same goes for the menā€¦
4711. 4194 tells his folks he is at war and leaves out a janitor cleans his hallways and bathrooms for him
4710. ILB because of the people that feel the need to yell into their phone or computer in the old pax terminal when skyping. We all don't need to hear that your old lady "fucked up the checking account."
4709. I love this place because of the looks on the faces of the LN janitors that would rather slice my throat than empty my trashcan.
4708. I don't know why but everyday open this site and read peoples comments on it.
4707. ILBB 50% of the conversations are about shitting, the consistency of said shit, the duration of said shit, how to stop said shitting, and the reason said shit turned into an ass piss.
4706. ILBB I just got my itinerary back out there, again...haven't you guys won this shit yet??
4705. ILBB every soldier turns into an MMA expert as soon as a fight comes on TV. We get it dude, your a real badass STFU
4704. ILBB of all the guys who wear Beats headphones and stare in the mirror at the gym. You sir's are douchebags
4703. because as Bagram is drawing down, so are the posts to ILB. Thanks Obama.
4702. ILBB of the Guard unit that rolled into Grady DFAC with metal tags on their rifles, jingling like the love-child of Santa's sleigh and an entire Gypsy caravan. Take that shit off, I am trying to enjoy my seventh Special K protein bar so that I get the most gains from my 85 lb bench workout last week.
4701. ILBB I am on a 9 month paid vacation from Fayetteville. Bonus: the locals here drive better than the locals there!
4700. ILBB of the dude who thought his HiLuxe could magically float across the ditch in front of Grady...Sucks to suck, that is one step closer to me keeping my Polaris Ranger
4699. ILBB I was able to replace my original semen-brick mattress with a lightly used tear-stained mattress from the rape village in Warrior before they tore it down
4698. ILBB I had to do a ruck march around base. Said "fuck it" and threw my sandbag on the side of the road. Almost took a bus back too. I don't do stupid shit.
4697. ILBB the next people who decide to have a full conversation in the middle of the DFAC is going to get their eyeballs scooped out with a plastic spoon.
4696. ILBB: Stupid fucking pogs use the excuse "This is a combat zone" to do dumb shit. Mother fucker, this place is a taco truck away from being Garrison, get outta here with your bullshit.
4695. ILB becuase of the convo I heard between two guys at the Warrior Bean... *Once you use a lufa, you'll never go back!* *I call that thing a shower ball* hahhaha
4694. ILBB the super ripped airman dude who spots the chick who benches 75lbs at the Neil Roberts gym has the most gorgeous eyes...
4693. Because of the sidewalk that was put in inside of Vulture ECP, so people could continue to walk & run in the road. Should have just saved the money and concrete for something else.
4692. ILBB the chick at the Neil Robert's gym that benched with 75lb dumbbells...wtf
4691. ILBB it never gets old when hot guys approach me and compliment my ink.
4690. Because i pay 18 dollars for a 30 minute back massage, and that b!tch stops at 26 minutes
4689. ILBB because laughing so hard at ass pee caused ass pee.
4688. Because those that haven't been on a REAL deployment have no fuckin clue!
4687. ILBB when you get off the plane from R&R, you know you are back because all you smell is hot dogs, JP-8, and the smell of 'black water'
4686. ILBB the REAL way to avoid the #4685 shenanigans is to pretend BAF is a war zone and not require saluting
4685. ILB when there's a group of, let's say, 4 O3's and an E4, then a group of 2 O3's and an an E7... and the Es salute the other groups Os and have a FUCKING SALUTE OFF. News for all- wear the rank of the highest person in your gaggle and save 60% of your salutes for the asshole O5s. In the above scenario, I don't know an O3 that cares enough to salute another group's O3. You just look stupid.
4684. ILBB @4679, I feel ya on the ass pee...I did an ass pee while walking down disney....that was an uncomfortable moment
4683. Because it is a brilliant idea to give tower guards regular trays full of food when they have to juggle full battle rattle, a weapon, and steep ass stairs. Thank you Chow Truck.
4682. ILB Because I still live over on the Disney side of base where all of the awesome and none of the disgustingness of Warrior are <3.
4681. ILBB it's the only place you can get relieved early due to poor performance and still get a BSM..BTW who is the new Garrison Commander?????
4680. ILB because 3 of the 10th Mountain JAGs were put in for CABs because -- during a fun run a few weeks ago -- a mortar was shot down by a C-RAM and they "ran for cover and witnessed the plume of smoke left by said mortar." The mortar was roughly 1000m away from them. I can't make this shit up...
4679. ILBB there are only three options when taking a shit. #1 Ass pee. #2 Constipation. #3. Constipated for several days until a fart turns out to be surprise ass pee.
4678. ILBB according to my news feed, a cute facebook friend of mine recently arrived there, so I get to play the "guess which ILB posts are about her" game!
4677. ILBB I have only been here a couple weeks, and I would already stick my penis in just about anything!!
4676. ILBB every person who redeploys has that "FML" moment when they realize all their haji diamonds are fake. Sukkas!
4675. ILBB I've been home for almost 2 years now and reading this means shit is still that same. Wtf?
4674. ILBB every day the garrison safety manager smokes his cigarettes 20 ft away from a fuel tank that says "no smoking within 50 feet"
4673. ILBB.. apparently warrior is a ghetto. Is there ANYONE decent to hang out with over here?!!
4672. ILBB of Camp Warrior. My hat goes off to the Einsteins in charge of billeting. I love moving once a month, keeps the enemies guessingā€¦Bravo!!
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