I Love Bagram Air Field

-Reasons Why I love Bagram-





Updated: September 1, 4:33 am   Bagram/Kabul
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4696. ILBB: Stupid fucking pogs use the excuse "This is a combat zone" to do dumb shit. Mother fucker, this place is a taco truck away from being Garrison, get outta here with your bullshit.
4695. ILB becuase of the convo I heard between two guys at the Warrior Bean... *Once you use a lufa, you'll never go back!* *I call that thing a shower ball* hahhaha
4694. ILBB the super ripped airman dude who spots the chick who benches 75lbs at the Neil Roberts gym has the most gorgeous eyes...
4693. Because of the sidewalk that was put in inside of Vulture ECP, so people could continue to walk & run in the road. Should have just saved the money and concrete for something else.
4692. ILBB the chick at the Neil Robert's gym that benched with 75lb dumbbells...wtf
4691. ILBB it never gets old when hot guys approach me and compliment my ink.
4690. Because i pay 18 dollars for a 30 minute back massage, and that b!tch stops at 26 minutes
4689. ILBB because laughing so hard at ass pee caused ass pee.
4688. Because those that haven't been on a REAL deployment have no fuckin clue!
4687. ILBB when you get off the plane from R&R, you know you are back because all you smell is hot dogs, JP-8, and the smell of 'black water'
4686. ILBB the REAL way to avoid the #4685 shenanigans is to pretend BAF is a war zone and not require saluting
4685. ILB when there's a group of, let's say, 4 O3's and an E4, then a group of 2 O3's and an an E7... and the Es salute the other groups Os and have a FUCKING SALUTE OFF. News for all- wear the rank of the highest person in your gaggle and save 60% of your salutes for the asshole O5s. In the above scenario, I don't know an O3 that cares enough to salute another group's O3. You just look stupid.
4684. ILBB @4679, I feel ya on the ass pee...I did an ass pee while walking down disney....that was an uncomfortable moment
4683. Because it is a brilliant idea to give tower guards regular trays full of food when they have to juggle full battle rattle, a weapon, and steep ass stairs. Thank you Chow Truck.
4682. ILB Because I still live over on the Disney side of base where all of the awesome and none of the disgustingness of Warrior are <3.
4681. ILBB it's the only place you can get relieved early due to poor performance and still get a BSM..BTW who is the new Garrison Commander?????
4680. ILB because 3 of the 10th Mountain JAGs were put in for CABs because -- during a fun run a few weeks ago -- a mortar was shot down by a C-RAM and they "ran for cover and witnessed the plume of smoke left by said mortar." The mortar was roughly 1000m away from them. I can't make this shit up...
4679. ILBB there are only three options when taking a shit. #1 Ass pee. #2 Constipation. #3. Constipated for several days until a fart turns out to be surprise ass pee.
4678. ILBB according to my news feed, a cute facebook friend of mine recently arrived there, so I get to play the "guess which ILB posts are about her" game!
4677. ILBB I have only been here a couple weeks, and I would already stick my penis in just about anything!!
4676. ILBB every person who redeploys has that "FML" moment when they realize all their haji diamonds are fake. Sukkas!
4675. ILBB I've been home for almost 2 years now and reading this means shit is still that same. Wtf?
4674. ILBB every day the garrison safety manager smokes his cigarettes 20 ft away from a fuel tank that says "no smoking within 50 feet"
4673. ILBB.. apparently warrior is a ghetto. Is there ANYONE decent to hang out with over here?!!
4672. ILBB of Camp Warrior. My hat goes off to the Einsteins in charge of billeting. I love moving once a month, keeps the enemies guessing…Bravo!!
4671. 4668....I feel your pain. Our bosses give out awards for people just doing their jobs, too......like showing up for work on time and not tearing up equipment.
4670. ILBB of all the excellent decision makers that rotate in every 6 months that feel they need to leave their mark. One piece of advice, "if it aint broke don't fix it".
4669. ILB because a CSM of a Battalion holding a Soldier of the Month board flipped out because some soldiers didn't iron their uniforms and called them "hot garbage".
4668. ILB because 2/44 gave a Bronze Star to a SPC for sitting behind a computer on the FOB doing his job.
4667. ILBB: you finally decide to hook up with a guy and 2 seconds later he's done #stillhorny, #jackoffbeforedude
4666. I love being a woman at Bagram, because each day affords the opportunity to improve proficiency at “the staring game” against the LNs.
4665. "My hair is as long as my long tab." SF lead the way!
4664. Because I look forward to stealing back all of the shit I left there at the end of my last 2 deployments...won't even need Amazon this time around!
4663. Because I just had a Health and Welfare inspection at 0000.
4662. to #3648 I feel your pain. I think you may be wanting some fun with a horny man. If so respond and we can figure out where to take this conversation
4661. Because I will never fully understand this place.
4660. Because of the 2 dumbass soldiers with new guy uniforms that obviously could not read the big "Do Not Enter" & "NTV Only" signs at Grady DFAC when they were trying to find somewhere to park their big-ass truck, fucking up the entire traffic flow....and not a mush pup pie in sight. Go figure.
4659. Ilbb of the Air Force chick at the new gym, on the bike, before dinner chow, you are beautiful!!!
4658. ILBB I just redeployed to HQDA (Wash DC) and now realize I would rather be at Bagram! Big Army HQ is FUCKED UP WORSE!
4657. ILBB I just spent one week watching all four seasons of Game of Thrones through incoming and all other foolish nonsense. Winter is coming!
4656. ILBB, having just departed my home in BAF for a brief trip to at Al Udeid, it appears that the Deid is now full of Air Force supermodels. Or it could just be Bagram goggles...
4655. ILBB Hotstuff3333 is on the wall in every bathroom here. He was also on the wall back in 20009, looks like the legend has grown.
4654. because there is an order to reduce the NTV population by 3300 so the MPs are making perfectly good parking lots off limits and ticketing, booting and towing vehicles. Also they are having CSMs with over 20 years and countless deployments reduced to meter maids. I hope all CSMs take it as a personal insult that your deployment is writing parking tickets
4653. Because the fiber optic line keeps getting cut, preventing the satellite internet from working
4652. Because I have been looking in portajons, under rocks, and all over Bagram for a fuck. I still can't find one here.
4651. ILBB we bitch about our 24/7 espresso/coffee shop not having ice all of the time...
4650. ILBB we're in a country made of rocks, there's a crusher on base, and yet for some reason, we can never get gravel.
4649. ILBB because 'luxury' is a piece of ice from Green Bean.
4648. ILBB of the third place chick in the Boston 10K today. Wow.
4647. ILB because I don't know how long I have been here. Is that good or bad?
4646. ILBB I drank that "moldy" water. Three cases of that in one day. I am still alive! Haha maybe this place won't be the death of me after all.
4645. ILBB I fapped so hard I broke the skin of my penis; then I fapped again.
4644. ILBB after 7 months in theater i have discovered that the rumors about the Bagram Brown Death are real. Nothing you can do about except brace yourself and hold on to something.
4643. Because my ankles get super buff from walking over the mountainous gravel every day. This is probably what its like to walk in high heels.
4642. ILBB I now have reason to believe somebody is running around in full battle rattle with two sledge hammers....wtf??
4641. 4638 Are you the woman my Mom warned me about? Giggidy, Giggidy, Giggidy
4640. Inbox: Do not drink water with lot numbers ending in 'XX'. Look at bottle on our desk: 'xx'. Look at the empties in our trash: 'xx'. This always ends well. Eagerly awaiting usama's revenge!
4639. It's the only place I can run in full battle rattle with two sledge hammers and not get looked at twice.
4638. ILB because the SHARP training has everyone afraid to look or talk to a female. If you're so horny , talk to us
4637. ILBB the two Jordanian girls who occupy the Koele DFAC everyday around 1230
4636. 4635, I assume you are a female. Us guys see the same signs. Do y'all have direction to brush out the bowl if you leave skid marks too?
4635. ILBB the "By Order of the Garrison Command" signs in the girls bathroom that let us know we should hold the handle down until the "bowel" is empty,And oh by the way it may require more than one flush!
4634. ILBB I am now back home and I enjoy reading these post A lot more with a real alcoholic beer in my hand.
4633. ILBB of this terrible stomach virus it gave me, transitioning between diarrhea and vomiting is no fun.
4632. Because you never know when you are going to open a porta john and get a full frontal view of a LN standing on the seat taking a squat...
4631. ILB because what makes more sense than dusting gun racks in the desert? Oh I know sweeping out clam shells in the desert!!!
4630. ILB because of the cute guy that wears the state police shirt. Yee yee.
4629. The funny Polish names. There was a slight deviation in spelling but I saw one that if you sounded his name out it was Peter Ball lick.
4628. ILB because all the females in uniform wearing eyeliner look like whores or clowns.... not flattering but very entertaining.
4627. Because of all the brainiacs in the DFAC that seem stumped by the idea of a cafeteria/buffet style set up. A lot of you are American.....you've seen this before. Its not something new. Same with the drink coolers.
4626. Because I could stack rocks, put tinfoil on the top, and still get faster internet than sniperhill.
4625. ILBB between the warm bodies ITT Exelis hires, and the soldiers who rely on those contractors...The IT help desk is literally helpless.
4624. Because just like a box of chocolates you never know when reasons I love Bagram is going to be updated. It could be a day or weeks. It's just like a box of chocolates.
4623. Because you can walk around like a space cadet and nobody will question you.
4622. Because I see fat female army privates eating cheesy fries and down soda everyday at the Dragon
4621. ILBB it's totally worth getting my hair butchered once a week to watch a line of BAF "10" TCNs shaking it to Russian Techno music.
4620. ilbb grady dfac posted someone's fears of a "rapey vibe" from the servers who wanted to "toungue punch their starfish"
4619. Because I've never drank so much soy milk in my life
4618. ILB because the brown splash is so much worse than the blue splash...
4617. because of the hot blonde Flour chick that wears skin tight pants and uses the center of the DFAC as her runway every day. It is a treat for everyone to see. It occurs around 1245 every day.
4616. ILB because the expensive internet is still so slow that it reminds me of jerking off back in the mid 90s.
4615. because manadatory wearing of a reflective belt while riding a gator during daylight hours is about as dumb as it gets.......WAY TO GO GARRISON LEADERSHIP.........
4614. Because I drink so much V8 Fusion I could possibly piss out solid fruits and vegetables.
4613. ILBB This place now makes me realize I should have joined the Air Force.
4612. Because E4 females in the combat zone fall for the "I'm a pilot" line everytime. Yahtzee!!!!!!
4611. Ilb because the PFC will stop ladies wearing shorts above the knees but will let guys walking with their balls hangout cause they're wearing Richard Simmons shorts.
4610. ILBB of the daily gamble I take flying my sortie in a single seat aircraft while wondering when the explosive diarrhea will strike.
4609. ILBB because people look at the DoD civilians (admit, some are WAY out of shape) like the plague. 99% of them are Veterans and volunteered to wear the Uniform yet once again. Next time you see one, hit them up. We are all here in this big shit melting pot to serve. HoooAhh !
4608. Because 90% of the people on this base don't know how to use plungers.
4607. Because while in a logoed truck full of expats, the gate guy at the DFIP asked if we all had ID. No, Sparky, we all decided that BAF was a vacation spot and came here on a tourist visa. Where has common sense gone?
4606. ILBB..leg day, some of you should try it.
4605. Because my new battalion has nothing more important to do hyphen run a volleyball tournament.
4604. ILBB of the cheap ass styrofoam cups at the DFAC that disintegrate when you put coffee or some other fluid in them. WTF is that all about? And how much of that crap is in my body right now?
4603. ILBB Everyday is Monday......
4602. Dutifully check my ID card and LOA, because there is a chance I nefariously traveled all the way to Afghanistan to eat in a DFAC whose workers have purposely tried to poison their patrons.
4601. WHY THE HELL DO I NEED A LICENSE TO RIDE A BIKE ONTO THE AIRFIELD!?!?
4600. Because all of you know the big dig was a bust--the base floods and all you do is cry rivers
4599. and YES--I was here when 236 graced the base
4598. Because 236 heard the whining and blessed us with the redheaded rotation...and even if they leave the EXELIS safety chick will still be here.
4597. I love the smell of shit in the morning. You know that human feces smell, the whole FOB. Smells like..... [*sniffing, pondering] dooky. Someday this war's gonna end...
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