I Love Bagram Air Field

-Reasons Why I love Bagram-

Updated: July 23, 6:06 am   Bagram/Kabul
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4657. ILBB I just spent one week watching all four seasons of Game of Thrones through incoming and all other foolish nonsense. Winter is coming!
4656. ILBB, having just departed my home in BAF for a brief trip to at Al Udeid, it appears that the Deid is now full of Air Force supermodels. Or it could just be Bagram goggles...
4655. ILBB Hotstuff3333 is on the wall in every bathroom here. He was also on the wall back in 20009, looks like the legend has grown.
4654. because there is an order to reduce the NTV population by 3300 so the MPs are making perfectly good parking lots off limits and ticketing, booting and towing vehicles. Also they are having CSMs with over 20 years and countless deployments reduced to meter maids. I hope all CSMs take it as a personal insult that your deployment is writing parking tickets
4653. Because the fiber optic line keeps getting cut, preventing the satellite internet from working
4652. Because I have been looking in portajons, under rocks, and all over Bagram for a fuck. I still can't find one here.
4651. ILBB we bitch about our 24/7 espresso/coffee shop not having ice all of the time...
4650. ILBB we're in a country made of rocks, there's a crusher on base, and yet for some reason, we can never get gravel.
4649. ILBB because 'luxury' is a piece of ice from Green Bean.
4648. ILBB of the third place chick in the Boston 10K today. Wow.
4647. ILB because I don't know how long I have been here. Is that good or bad?
4646. ILBB I drank that "moldy" water. Three cases of that in one day. I am still alive! Haha maybe this place won't be the death of me after all.
4645. ILBB I fapped so hard I broke the skin of my penis; then I fapped again.
4644. ILBB after 7 months in theater i have discovered that the rumors about the Bagram Brown Death are real. Nothing you can do about except brace yourself and hold on to something.
4643. Because my ankles get super buff from walking over the mountainous gravel every day. This is probably what its like to walk in high heels.
4642. ILBB I now have reason to believe somebody is running around in full battle rattle with two sledge hammers....wtf??
4641. 4638 Are you the woman my Mom warned me about? Giggidy, Giggidy, Giggidy
4640. Inbox: Do not drink water with lot numbers ending in 'XX'. Look at bottle on our desk: 'xx'. Look at the empties in our trash: 'xx'. This always ends well. Eagerly awaiting usama's revenge!
4639. It's the only place I can run in full battle rattle with two sledge hammers and not get looked at twice.
4638. ILB because the SHARP training has everyone afraid to look or talk to a female. If you're so horny , talk to us
4637. ILBB the two Jordanian girls who occupy the Koele DFAC everyday around 1230
4636. 4635, I assume you are a female. Us guys see the same signs. Do y'all have direction to brush out the bowl if you leave skid marks too?
4635. ILBB the "By Order of the Garrison Command" signs in the girls bathroom that let us know we should hold the handle down until the "bowel" is empty,And oh by the way it may require more than one flush!
4634. ILBB I am now back home and I enjoy reading these post A lot more with a real alcoholic beer in my hand.
4633. ILBB of this terrible stomach virus it gave me, transitioning between diarrhea and vomiting is no fun.
4632. Because you never know when you are going to open a porta john and get a full frontal view of a LN standing on the seat taking a squat...
4631. ILB because what makes more sense than dusting gun racks in the desert? Oh I know sweeping out clam shells in the desert!!!
4630. ILB because of the cute guy that wears the state police shirt. Yee yee.
4629. The funny Polish names. There was a slight deviation in spelling but I saw one that if you sounded his name out it was Peter Ball lick.
4628. ILB because all the females in uniform wearing eyeliner look like whores or clowns.... not flattering but very entertaining.
4627. Because of all the brainiacs in the DFAC that seem stumped by the idea of a cafeteria/buffet style set up. A lot of you are American.....you've seen this before. Its not something new. Same with the drink coolers.
4626. Because I could stack rocks, put tinfoil on the top, and still get faster internet than sniperhill.
4625. ILBB between the warm bodies ITT Exelis hires, and the soldiers who rely on those contractors...The IT help desk is literally helpless.
4624. Because just like a box of chocolates you never know when reasons I love Bagram is going to be updated. It could be a day or weeks. It's just like a box of chocolates.
4623. Because you can walk around like a space cadet and nobody will question you.
4622. Because I see fat female army privates eating cheesy fries and down soda everyday at the Dragon
4621. ILBB it's totally worth getting my hair butchered once a week to watch a line of BAF "10" TCNs shaking it to Russian Techno music.
4620. ilbb grady dfac posted someone's fears of a "rapey vibe" from the servers who wanted to "toungue punch their starfish"
4619. Because I've never drank so much soy milk in my life
4618. ILB because the brown splash is so much worse than the blue splash...
4617. because of the hot blonde Flour chick that wears skin tight pants and uses the center of the DFAC as her runway every day. It is a treat for everyone to see. It occurs around 1245 every day.
4616. ILB because the expensive internet is still so slow that it reminds me of jerking off back in the mid 90s.
4615. because manadatory wearing of a reflective belt while riding a gator during daylight hours is about as dumb as it gets.......WAY TO GO GARRISON LEADERSHIP.........
4614. Because I drink so much V8 Fusion I could possibly piss out solid fruits and vegetables.
4613. ILBB This place now makes me realize I should have joined the Air Force.
4612. Because E4 females in the combat zone fall for the "I'm a pilot" line everytime. Yahtzee!!!!!!
4611. Ilb because the PFC will stop ladies wearing shorts above the knees but will let guys walking with their balls hangout cause they're wearing Richard Simmons shorts.
4610. ILBB of the daily gamble I take flying my sortie in a single seat aircraft while wondering when the explosive diarrhea will strike.
4609. ILBB because people look at the DoD civilians (admit, some are WAY out of shape) like the plague. 99% of them are Veterans and volunteered to wear the Uniform yet once again. Next time you see one, hit them up. We are all here in this big shit melting pot to serve. HoooAhh !
4608. Because 90% of the people on this base don't know how to use plungers.
4607. Because while in a logoed truck full of expats, the gate guy at the DFIP asked if we all had ID. No, Sparky, we all decided that BAF was a vacation spot and came here on a tourist visa. Where has common sense gone?
4606. ILBB..leg day, some of you should try it.
4605. Because my new battalion has nothing more important to do hyphen run a volleyball tournament.
4604. ILBB of the cheap ass styrofoam cups at the DFAC that disintegrate when you put coffee or some other fluid in them. WTF is that all about? And how much of that crap is in my body right now?
4603. ILBB Everyday is Monday......
4602. Dutifully check my ID card and LOA, because there is a chance I nefariously traveled all the way to Afghanistan to eat in a DFAC whose workers have purposely tried to poison their patrons.
4600. Because all of you know the big dig was a bust--the base floods and all you do is cry rivers
4599. and YES--I was here when 236 graced the base
4598. Because 236 heard the whining and blessed us with the redheaded rotation...and even if they leave the EXELIS safety chick will still be here.
4597. I love the smell of shit in the morning. You know that human feces smell, the whole FOB. Smells like..... [*sniffing, pondering] dooky. Someday this war's gonna end...
4596. Because as certain camps have expanded, what was once a 30 second walk now takes 20 minutes, two camels, a canoe, and a note from your mom.
4595. Ilbb no wait... I don't! This place is a fucking prison!!!!
4594. ILBB the Kyrgyzstani girl at the patch store is my only reason to wake up in the morning
4593. Because I survived round two of the "elections"
4592. Because only a company like Sniperhill and the military don't know how to access their out of service routers in a locked room in the dorms...and no one knows who has the key. Epic fail. Boycott sniper hill everyone.
4591. I am not at Bagram. I am an old Medical Corp Major out since 92. I stumbled upon this site...you are all amazing...I am proud to have had the opportunity to work with the likes of you...thank you.
4590. ILBB stupidity is a disease. 98% of the base is infected.
4589. ILBB having a wet CHU here is the pussy-catching equivalent of owning a Lamborghini in the States.
4588. ILBB of the Blonde female contractor at Nunez this morning is back from a long absence. I say, welcome back.
4587. ILBB I left in 2011 and I still read this shit
4586. I love Bagram because DFAC workers walk around saying "Hot Pan!" when in fact they're carrying a tray of iced yogurt. I guess Hot Pan really means GTFO my way.
4585. ILB because now if I'm captured by the enemy, I have to hope I'm a Jessica Lynch and not a Bowe Bergdahl and I must hope the right politicians are in office who might send someone to come and get me instead of letting me rot.
4584. ILBB #4580 gave away his POG status by not knowing what CAS is...
4583. ILBB people like #4580 don't understand how F-16's can perform ground support roles. She must be another bronze star finance chick
4582. @4577: I think your "F" bomb 1st sergeant posted #4578--another dropped bomb!
4581. ILBB every sortie starts with a full-AB unrestricted climb departure, but the icing on the cake is listening to people bitch about the noise after landing.
4580. ILB because of the wonderful sleep I get thanks to F-16's doing afterburner takeoffs throughout the night. The Taliban sure must have a lot of jets flying around at midnight that need dogfighting.
4579. ILBB during the past 2.5 years I've been posted so many times I stopped counting. What are all you foos complaining about?
4578. @4571 Wait, I'm confused. The Pizza Hut and Popeyes gives you worst diarrhea then the DFAC does. I don't see the big deal in getting rid of it, now PFC so and so won't spend their entire paycheck on fucking food.
4577. ILBB First Sergent dropped 34 "F" bombs in a 5 minute conversation. Well done, well done.
4576. ILBB ..is it wrong that the really fat civilian girl with the really tight pants on and her gut is one big roll turns me on?
4575. ILBB I have lost all touch with reality....and am fine with it
4574. ILBB...oh wait there is not a f***ing thing I love about this place lol
4573. Well, at least the BX has plenty of "quality" souvenir coffee cups that fall apart after four pours. I want my life back.
4572. I don't always deploy to a war zone; but when I do, I make sure it's as close to garrison as possible.
4571. Everyone thank the man in charge for removing pizza hut and popeyes. Now it's back to the dfac for haji sperms on our food and painful diarrhea. Oh and i like how they tried to improve the bx...keeping those stupid teddy bears in stock is what we needed. Morons run this place.
4570. ILBB the LN kids can throw rocks at you and you can't throw rocks back. =(
4569. ILB because the SeaRAMs remind me of R2D2 with a boner.
4568. ILBB we now have LNs cleaning our bathrooms. Time to create armies of jellyfish. Capatcha is guzzle. Lol.
4567. IHB...let's go ahead and close the bx and all the gyms general. God who is making these decisions? Stop closing the shit we need around here. Wtf
4566. ILBB with the ecolog shit trucks cutting back on liquid for shitters I no longer fear the blue spash from porta potties
4565. Not updated? The Admin probably got hit by IDF.
4564. Because my hardship duty pay goes to sniper hill
4563. ILBB of the female Polish soilders-especially the tall red head! Smoking!!!
4562. Day Two no update. Dying from boredom is a very serious possibility
4561. ILLB the admin is slacking on everything. The R.O.T.W, DFAC Recipes, S.M.B.S, and now Reasons Why I Love Bagram. We still love you though.
4560. ILB because the bulldozers have car alarms for backup warnings...I really really hate car alarms.
4559. ILBB I got an idea, let's just stand in the middle of the DFAC looking lost and clog it up like the drains in the showers.
4558. ILBB I take the Doxy for the dreams.
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